Just a grown up girl

I had a job interview this week.  This is a HUGE deal. I've been searching for almost a year and have had very little luck.

Currently,  I'm a nutritionist but I want to be in human resources.  Most companies have sent the rejection email almost instantly.  I've had a few that kept me in the maybe pile for a couple of weeks.  One company was interested in me last May but didn't have an HR position and wouldn't hire me in a lower level position.  They said it could take 6 months to a year to have an opening and suddenly... they have one 8 months later. 

After I found out about the interview,  I had a slight panic. WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR!? When you're big, you have limited shopping options especially last minute. None of my clothes that look professional enough fit (Luckily too big). When I was larger, size 26/28, I knew I could turn to Lane Bryant to get me looking professional and nice but they were expensive. Even if you're lucky enough to find some pants in the clearance section that fit, they're still $30. Dress barn was often a little too tight for me. Belks had some stuff but never affordable. I could find a nice pair of slacks for $50 on sale. My mother swears by Belks and often finds some great deals. 

Unless I was already prepared, I knew a professional outfit was going to cost me $100 not including shoes. I don't have a lot of shoes. I keep one pair of peep toe heals that are white, I bought a pair of beige flats for one wedding and a pair of silver flats for another. 

During lunch, I ran to Belks to try on some stuff this time. So much of it fit! And so much was on sale! I get it mom...I totally get it. I ended up getting a pair of navy jeans and a nice top for $20...but not interview outfit (More of future work attire for this company). After work, I started to really panic. I only had one more night to figure it all out and get it ready. I ended up going to multiple standard stores, Banana Republic, NY & Co, Talbots, even Lane Bryant. No luck with an outfit BUT the clothes in these stores fit me now! My butt is still a little big for the 16s but the tops were all fitting. 

I ended up running into Dress Barn. My heart was crushed because they had some great pants that were on clearance but just a little tight. The girl told me to go to the Women's shop and try on 14w's. I looked at her in disbelief. I can wear a 16w but they were a little big in the butt but no way I could fit in a 14w. But I tried it and guess what, it FIT! I found this adorable dress on clearance for $10 (not for an interview just to wear again) and got a pair of slacks too.

$10 Dress! 

Lastly, I went to Cato's and I scored! I found a nice blazer on clearance, an undershirt, a tank top for everyday wear, and a blue work shirt for under $50 total. I ended up with 3 new work outfits and an interview outfit for less than a normal 1 outfit. Being thinner is so much cheaper!

Grown Up Clothes 

Wishing myself good luck in acting like a grown up today! I so want this job, it would be the best opportunity to get into a growing company with lots of potential and HAPPY COWORKERS!

Eeeek....

Wt: 202.0 

I cried today

I can sometimes have a difficult job.  It's not hard physically but emotionally.  This week,  I had to counsel a kid that was impregnated by rape by a relative. Not an adult or a teen,  a kid. 

I've had to counsel 4 pregnant children in my years there. It is never easy and always draining but this was my hardest one because I had her as a toddler.  I remembered her as a 4 year old.  I even remembered her from last summer when she came in with her younger siblings.  I've known her for 10 years and had no idea she was in danger of any sorts. 

Each sad situation always leaves a scar on my heart but this cut the deepest.  Knowing that there was nothing I can do to make it better for her.  I cannot imagine what she has been through and faced more in her years than anyone ever should.  Her innocence was taken from her way too young.  I kept thinking "I was still playing with barbies then."

I don't usually cry in my job.  I often forget what happened at the office by the time I get home.  It's not that I'm cold hearted or unsympathetic,  it's just how I've learned to adjust and cope. After this child left, I cried. I cried at work. I cried in the car. I cried at home. I am still tearing up thinking about her. It wasn't nonstop crying but it was random outburst of tears. My husband and I were suppose to have a date night and I couldn't do it. I couldn't go out in public because my heart was aching so bad for her. 

For many years,  I ate my feelings. Now, that option is unavailable. I turned to online shopping as a method of coping. Before I knew who the girl was that I would be counseling, I was informed that I had an 11 year old. I ended up buying the dishes in Georgia. After the counseling session, I bought salt shakers and almost bought another set of dishes I would have to get from West Virginia....

Eventually, I pulled myself together. I started thinking of other ways to help her and her family. What options did we have in public health that would get her the help she needs. Could I find coloring books for the siblings? Could I gather money or sponsors for a gift card for the mom?

Sometimes we have to recenter. We have to be mindful and reflect but also be logical and understanding your own triggers. When I feel like I have no control in a situation, I turned to something I could control, food...shopping...Each challenge brings a new area to work on and I think I'll forever be working on something about myself.

Until next time
WT: 205.2

I wanna be like youuuuu

My sister told me today she wished she was more like me and it threw me off. I think of myself as a total scatter. She's a tidy person and easily focused. I'm more of an organized clutter, incredibly creative type. 

I tend to be obsessive, sometimes irrationally obsessive.  Prime example was this week... for my father in law's birthday,  the kids are replacing his kitchen stuff at his river house. I hunted down the perfect replacement dinnerware, at least ten sets and found some about 45 minutes away. Nice,  high quality,  discontinued Pfaltzgraff set... for $80.

When I picked it up,  I fell in love with it.  It matched my kitchen perfectly.  I ended up obsessing over it to the point that I found a set 6 hours away from home and went ahead and bought them... understanding I would need to drive 6 hours to pick them up. 

This set is also for 10 people... but the most I ever host is 8. Usually,  only another couple or my family... also,  driving to Atlanta and back in one day is a little crazy.

I already have nice Corelle dinnerware.  It doesn't match my kitchen but it matched my love for red ten years ago.  And when I bought it,  I bought 32 sets of it.  Yes... 32 sets.  Because we were going to use it at my wedding (justified reason). I also purchased 32 sets of silverware at this time.  I remember growing up,  we had a lot of plates because a family of 4 can dirty 12 easily in a day. 

My sister has 8 sets of matching dinnerware- she liked it,  it was on clearance,  done deal.  This is practical.  I don't need more than this either but nope, I have 32 sets of Corelle every day dinnerware,  a new to me 10 sets of Pfaltzgraff (with canisters and tea kettle and all), and lastly,  an 8 person set of fine China... with napkin rings,  ashtrays,  juice glasses- the works.

I'm aware of the research.  More stuff is not a good thing no matter how great of a deal it is.  But we all have our traits. 

I made shirts for the trip...

My sister saw my crazy idea as "I wish I was that adventurous." I decided to make the day out of it.  Denise is going with me and we're going to the aquarium.  Make the most out of my dumb ideas.

I don't want my sister to want to be like me. We are all the way we are for a reason.  I would love to be more rational.  She is who she needs to be and I think living in my head for a week would exhaust her.

Life is a journey and it's too short for regrets and wishing we were someone else.  Taking the day and loving ourselves for who we are is better than obsessing on the flaws of what we aren't.  I think learning to treasure our oddities help us see what we bring to the table.  I bring over 50 sets of dishes to the table ;)

Until next time. 

Wt: 207.6