I went out, it was a Friday night.
I wore a dress, cause I was feeling light.
We started eating food and I wish I had sweatpants
But then I realized I was full....
And that's about the time it got away from me
Nobody likes you stupid tummy
And you're in pain with only seven bites
What the hell is steatorrhea
I feel like I should weigh again
What's my weight again?
Last week, I went on vacation. I went on A CRUISE! It was my first cruise, not my last. I had an amazing time but the main reason, I challenged myself. Over the past 10 years, I have not lived. I've been putzing through the world on autopilot and sure I would die by 40-45. I have a fear of rides but this cruise ship had a crazy slide I knew I needed to try. You had to weigh under 275 to do it. The day I left, I was 255.
Day 1, too chicken. Day 2, too chicken. Day 3, too chicken (see my pattern). Day 4....brave enough. Why not do it now? I see these kids having a great time. I knew the rules, nothing that could scratch the slide, weigh less than 275. I climb the three flights of stairs, go past the kiddy slide, go past the adult slide, get to the monster free fall slight, wait, wait wait. Watching everyone, I knew what to expect, cross arms lay back, scream a little. Finally my turn, I walk up towards the side I would be on and the guy says "wait. get on the scale." Slightly mortified, but I knew I was under the limit. 255. Whew. He looks me over and says "No hairclips, go down the green slide (The slide the next level down)."
Okay, I missed my clip for my bangs. Foolish... but the girl in front of me with braids had beads in her hair, he didn't weigh her or make her take them out. Fine. I go down the adult slide.
Again, I climb back up, no hair clip in now. Wait wait wait. "Get on the scale." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? I was 20 pounds under. I get on. 257. He rolls his eyes and examines me for a reason not to let me go again. Then hesitantly, opens the door for me to climb in. I listen to the instructions, cross my arms, take a deep breath, and wait for the bottom to fall out from below me.
It was terrifying but I did it.
What I took away from this experience is that people can still be asses but I can't change them. They utilize whatever slight power they have to knock you down. He had no idea I had lost 60lbs. He had no idea that this was a huge step for me. He had no idea that I had weighed myself almost daily for two weeks ensuring I was still under 275. There was no reason to deny me and my weight was not holding me back. TAKE THAT GUY. But more importantly, don't be afraid of a number. Worst that could have happened was I was denied and I'd have to wait for another chance one day. He made me feel big again and yeah, I'm still big...but he made me feel huge. There were people all around me that were probably my weight. A gentleman that was taller than me and probably closer to the 275...not weighed. The girl beside me that was shorter but wider...not weighed. I was targeted and after while it was frustrating at the time, there was a slight confidence in my step when I got on that scale each time knowing it wouldn't be my weight holding me back.
More and more events will happen in my life where my weight will no longer hold me back but it's up to me to remember how far I've come.
In other cool news, I held a sloth...I snorkeled...I parasailed...I swam with dolphins and manatees...I visited ruins. I did the works! I ate around the clock to get my protein in and...I lost weight!
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| Ruins, Parasailing with Sister, Slothing, Snorkel with Sister, Riding a Dolphin |
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