I wonder

When I was a youth, one of my favorite songs was Chris Isaak's "I wonder." Dad had made a guitar for his lead guitarist and there was a connection between the Baja Sessions CD and my heart. This song was a good sit and cry song. It's beautiful lyrics and music but it always made me think about the future. 

Today, I'm going to a funeral of my friend, Rob. He came into my life via my sister. Originally, a good friend of her friend, Nikki...still saved in my phone as "Rob Jen's Friend via Nikki." He was a mechanic and did work on my car but more importantly, he was a good friend and a great guy. He might give you shi.t for whatever stupid request was made but he was always there. 

Rob was diagnosed with melanoma a while back. He's been going through treatments for over a year and we've seen some hard moments with lesions on the brain and some good moments like a few weeks ago when the experimental treatment he had been going through was seeing great results. But even though he's been super sick, he's been there for us all. 

The last time I saw Rob was at our family tree trimming. He drove 3 hours to eat some cookies with us, experience the torture of my friends, and decorate a tree. I saw him on a pretty frequent basis, a couple times a month. We weren't huggers but for some reason, we hugged good bye that night. I had no idea it was the last time I'd ever see him alive. 

Since surgery, Rob and I have communicated almost daily via food videos. I've been watching Delish nonstop and always send the good ones to him. He has a passion for good food but doesn't cook for himself. He use to drive down to my sisters and would fix her car for a home cooked meal. Each time he's reacted to them or said something about how he would eat it. Occasionally, he'd send me a video. I honestly don't know what to do now that he's gone. It's become so second nature to torture myself with this food por.n but he's the only one I share it with. He's left a big hole in all our hearts. We're going out to eat to celebrate his life. I'm not sure what I can eat but it'll be Italian, he was Italian. This will be my first time dining out since surgery and it's not a reason I want to do it. Oh Rob...

Rest in Peace Buddy. I'll miss you terribly. 

Rob Sorvillo 3/12/77-1/12/18

"When I was younger I believed that dreams came true
Now I wonder
'Cause I've seen much more of dark skies than of blue
Now I wonder

I keep on praying for a blue sky
I keep on searching through the rain
I keep on thinking of the good times
Will they ever come again?

Now I wonder"