8 Years

This weekend, we went out with the neighbors. This is not an unusual thing at all. They're some of my favorite people and unlike some coupleships where the wives get along or the husbands get along, we all have our own friendship. Each one of us can chill together and not feel awkward waiting for one to get back to the table. We all have totally different interest: She loves to shop, I love to craft, her husband loves to ride bikes, my husband likes to paint/play a tabletop game. But together, we form a great friendship where we can just sit at a brewery and hang out. Our husbands both like IPA's. Her and I love ciders.

Until we started hanging out with them, I had no desire to go to breweries unless other people wanted to go. I didn't get it. They were crowded and expensive. Now I get it...they're chill and relax. There are often games, dogs, and food trucks. You don't feel guilty for hanging out there for 2 hours.

This time, I got drunk. It's pretty unusual for me to drink. It was fun but not in a way that I want to do it regularly. In fact, it felt weird to drink. There's a big problem with addiction transfer for post op patients. You have a much higher risk of becoming an alcoholic if you start drinking within the first year of surgery. There's a lot of people I see that warn me of how they gained it all back because they started drinking. I've basically avoided the concept of drinking because I abused my liver with fat for so many years, I don't want to abuse it in a new way.

The next day, I was terrified I had ruined my body. But I didn't crave alcohol, I didn't feel like I needed more. As I sat there reexamining the pictures from the evening, I realized how much had changed over the years. My neighbor and I had a picture from 4 years prior. She was 30 lbs heavier and I was 100 lbs heavier. We looked so much happier now and then I saw the selfie I took with the hubs.

Talk about two different people. We are older, definitely but it was 8 years from when we took the selfie for an engagement photo. Since then, he's lost 100lbs and I have too. It's weird to look at those kids in the picture. Early to Mid 20s, excited and scared. I remember trying so hard to look pretty for the photos and he was goofing around which is unusual for him (sober). I look sad in the photo. I remember hating how I looked, how fat my neck was, how round my cheeks were. Even now, I look at that pretty young face with less scars and less wrinkles and see a sad girl.


Depression runs rampant in my family. It also tends to be higher in those with PCOS and morbid obesity....yay.... When I had the surgery, I was on medication for it. I'm no longer on medication to treat it. I will always struggle with it but daily walking does help a lot and yoga too. I tried these methods before but they didn't touch the darkness. I'm not sure if the change is been all related to the weight or the confidence in myself or just the chemicals in my brain in general but I look at these pictures as trophies. We've both come so far in the past 8 years. Who knows where we'll be in the next 8 years but hopefully, we'll still be happy and healthy!

I'm thankful for...

Every year, my husband's family holds hands and says why they're thankful. It's a tradition we love and hate. We have so much to be thankful for everyday and we acknowledge each other with love and compassion on a regular basis but I married into a family of total introverts. It also is the pressure of saying the right thing.

The Start of Hand Holding. photo by Yanxin Feng

This year, Thanksgiving was larger than previous years. We usually have the immediate family and the grandparents. This year, we had the pleasure of having his uncle and cousins too. Plus we hosted two students from China who had never experienced an American Thanksgiving. My brother-in-law issued the challenge of saying what we're thankful for in one word.

I thought about it all, what am I thankful for in one word?

• My husband is amazing and the best person I could have found. 
• I have a wonderful family both biological and in-laws. 
• Modern medicine saved my life (medications prior to surgery and surgery itself). 
• My animals are forever perfect in my world. 
• I have a good job, reliable cars, and a safe home. 

But more than anything, Vitamins...We take for granted normal absorption prior to surgery.  Post-op, regular blood tests tell us what we are lacking. Even with the 14 vitamins I've been taking daily, I was still low on Vitamin A and Vitamin D.

Vitamin A is commonly known for helping with vision but did you know it also helps with the immune system, reproduction, the heart, lungs, kidneys, and other vital organs...Learn More About Vitamin A Here

Vitamin D has been a more popular research vitamin over the past several years. Yes your body can make it from the sun but as a fair girl, I don't willingly bask in the sun too often. It's vital for calcium absorption but it also helps with the immune system! Learn More About Vitamin D Here

Post Op, those supplements are essential. Failure to abide by daily vitamin regimen and monitor levels could result in hair loss, tooth loss, organ failure, death....

Life after surgery is not for the weak. You are forever taking vitamins...I'm now up to 18/day until my Vitamin A and D get back to better ranges. I would rather take vitamins than medications!

I Still Got It

I've always hated my arms. I remember being in 4th grade and realizing my arms were fatter than other kids. To be fair, I was fatter than other kids. My grandmother had wings. We use to joke that if she would put her arms out the window when driving, it could fly the car...what little punks we were.

Never make fun of someone, you become them. I made fun of my mother's glasses and ended up as blind as her. I made fun of her butt and inherited it. I made fun of my grandmothers arms, and so I ended up with them.

Pudgy Arms 09.23.2017

I should have made fun of someone's rapid metabolism and beautiful toes....

Lessons are always learned the hard way.

While I've lost over 100lbs and several inches on my arms, they are still large. They are still flappy. I do yoga, I use an elliptical, I lift (less often than I should). But they are still flappy. I'll have the excess skin on my arms.

New Arms 11.06.2018

Instead of hating them, I should be embracing them. Nobody has a perfect body, everyone has something they want to change. If we continue to downplay ourselves and our accomplishments, we fail to recognize the person we've become. I was confident enough to want to wear sleeveless clothes even at 300+ pounds but now there's different type of confidence in me.

Embrace those imperfections because you're perfect just the way you are! Until next time ~KM.