Feeling Deflated

I can honestly say that I see a difference in my stomach. I have a surgery mate that I share my tummy photos with and today I noticed that it's very obvious that my stomach is smaller.

Day after surgery 1/4/18
1 week after surgery 01/12/18
Today 02/26/18

Denise told me I would see it at odd times and it's for sure. I still can't eat much at a time and struggle to get my protein in at times but overall, it's quite encouraging. 

My bonus mom told me yesterday I need new pants because the ones I've been wearing are "too big." It's been years since something was too big....but I don't want to spend on new clothes. 

There was really no reason for this post other than to share that picture. Sometimes it's slow but it's going! Slow and steady wins the race. 

WT: 285 lbs (-36 lbs)

I'd like to thank

And the award goes to....

My husband
My momma
My daddy
My bonus momma
My sister
My Denise, Antoinette, and Victoria
My bonus family
My grandparents
My classmates
My crazy friends

Have you ever watched those award shows and wonder what you would say? I really have been so blessed to have so many great people in my life but this recovery has proven that time and time again!

Surgery was a month ago. I'm back at work full time and feel really good. Right now, I'm on soft solids but will be on regular solids soon. Diet wise, it's still a lot of protein supplements. I'm kind of in love with zucchini and it's versatility as well as ricotta. I've been mixing some unflavored protein in my ricotta items because....why not?

My office has been really supportive. I'm not losing nearly as fast as I thought I would but they keep making me feel amazing. I've had people that had surgery around the same time as me lose about 10-15lbs more than me but my journey is not their journey.

I seriously could not have gone through this stuff without my group. My mom and dad stayed with me for a little over a week. I was in a bit of pain and discomfort but I tried to limit the pain medication. When they say "walk walk walk, sip sip sip" they mean it! Walking helped a lot to get the gas out but dang if it didn't get annoying.

My husband is always a trooper. ALWAYS. When I complain, he listens. When I ask for support, he gives it. He always flatters me by buying into my delusions. My bonus family also came to visit and have been giving supportive messages throughout the recovery. I really appreciate them.

My bonus mom has been my #1 cheerleader. When I told her about it originally, she was not into the idea but she sent me an email later after reading a story and she's stuck by it. She's rallied the troops and reminded my loving husband to tell me how awesome I'm doing.

My friends have always been great but if it wasn't for Denise, I would have been too scared to ever do this. She gave me hopes of true success with WLS and has had excellent insight for how to handle certain situations. Antoinette and Victoria have been my two closest since we were 18 and have never failed to be supportive in anything I've done. They're both wedding planning and still find time to check on me! There are so many good people in my life and I can't list them all there but if you know I'm talking about you, you can nod your head right now.

I'm still having days where I can't believe Rob isn't here and I still watch food videos hoping to send them to him but I've cut back on my food po.rn consumption since we lost him.

If you have one person that loves you unconditionally in life, you're lucky, if you have more than one, you're blessed.

2 weeks Post Op vs 1 month Post Op:

WT: 287 lbs (-34 lbs)

Keep on smiling!

I wonder

When I was a youth, one of my favorite songs was Chris Isaak's "I wonder." Dad had made a guitar for his lead guitarist and there was a connection between the Baja Sessions CD and my heart. This song was a good sit and cry song. It's beautiful lyrics and music but it always made me think about the future. 

Today, I'm going to a funeral of my friend, Rob. He came into my life via my sister. Originally, a good friend of her friend, Nikki...still saved in my phone as "Rob Jen's Friend via Nikki." He was a mechanic and did work on my car but more importantly, he was a good friend and a great guy. He might give you shi.t for whatever stupid request was made but he was always there. 

Rob was diagnosed with melanoma a while back. He's been going through treatments for over a year and we've seen some hard moments with lesions on the brain and some good moments like a few weeks ago when the experimental treatment he had been going through was seeing great results. But even though he's been super sick, he's been there for us all. 

The last time I saw Rob was at our family tree trimming. He drove 3 hours to eat some cookies with us, experience the torture of my friends, and decorate a tree. I saw him on a pretty frequent basis, a couple times a month. We weren't huggers but for some reason, we hugged good bye that night. I had no idea it was the last time I'd ever see him alive. 

Since surgery, Rob and I have communicated almost daily via food videos. I've been watching Delish nonstop and always send the good ones to him. He has a passion for good food but doesn't cook for himself. He use to drive down to my sisters and would fix her car for a home cooked meal. Each time he's reacted to them or said something about how he would eat it. Occasionally, he'd send me a video. I honestly don't know what to do now that he's gone. It's become so second nature to torture myself with this food por.n but he's the only one I share it with. He's left a big hole in all our hearts. We're going out to eat to celebrate his life. I'm not sure what I can eat but it'll be Italian, he was Italian. This will be my first time dining out since surgery and it's not a reason I want to do it. Oh Rob...

Rest in Peace Buddy. I'll miss you terribly. 

Rob Sorvillo 3/12/77-1/12/18

"When I was younger I believed that dreams came true
Now I wonder
'Cause I've seen much more of dark skies than of blue
Now I wonder

I keep on praying for a blue sky
I keep on searching through the rain
I keep on thinking of the good times
Will they ever come again?

Now I wonder"

Too much, too quick

I went to class last night. It was the first time I've been out of the house since the surgery and it seemed like a lot at the time. My friend, Jen, picked me up and dropped me off. What a saint!

In grad school, I've had perfect attendance. This was going to be my first miss because I knew I was 7 days out of major abdominal surgery, but I never heard from the teacher. Now I'm exhausted but glad I went.

I will say that I don't really remember what was said after the first half of the class. The teacher is a fast talker and my brain couldn't keep up. Moving around, I was okay. Not too sore. But I've only had 2 protein shakes today and even in class I tried to keep up hydration by drinking 2 oz of fluids. I still can't get them down fast but the small solo cups make it seem faster.

Overall, I would say I feel that recovery has gone well. I'm walking more with less pain. I've only thrown up once from dehydration. I still get nauseous but the medication helps. I see other people's recovery and feel fortunate that I'm doing well. I have gotten all my vitamins in today and all my protein and most of my fluids.

I just need to remember, fluids first, protein second, vitamins third. That 80 g of protein every day for the rest of my life...eek.

WT: 297.4 *UNDER 300!!!!*